


A Prefect Secret

by phoenix316



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-17 07:14:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29467815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phoenix316/pseuds/phoenix316
Summary: Remus Lupin has developed a crush on fellow prefect Lily Evans. What happens when she figures it out?
Relationships: Remus Lupin/Lily Evans Potter
Comments: 3
Kudos: 8





	A Prefect Secret

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy this Marauder's Era fic. I always figured that Remus had to have had a crush on Lily given the way he spoke about her. I hope you enjoy this look at what might have happened between the two of them.

Remus was supposed to be writing an essay on vampires for Defense Against the Dark Arts, but he found he had a hard time concentrating. He kept furtively glancing up from his work to the young woman – when had that happened – sitting at the table by the window, who was actually working on her essay. The light was glinting off her red hair, showing off gold undertones that you normally couldn’t see. He thought she had the most beautiful hair he had ever seen. It framed a perfect ivory face that was lit up by emerald green eyes. He had been watching her for months since they had returned for sixth year. Oh, he had noticed her in the past. Noticed her when she had berated James for being an arse, which he fully deserved. He had noticed her succinctly answering questions in class, providing enough information to answer the question, but not enough to be labeled a know-it-all. He knew she was bright, at least as bright as he was, if not more, but he was never one to answer questions in class. He had spent his life trying to hide in the shadows, to not be noticed, but now he found he wanted to be noticed, noticed by one Lily Evans. She was clearly compassionate, having befriends Snivellus, er Severus Snape. Remus didn’t really approve of how James and Sirius treated Severus, but as they were pretty much his only friends and knew his secret, he didn’t want to risk crossing them. Of course, now he had the added guilt of being a Prefect, which meant he should reign them in, but he had such a hard time stopping their minor mischief. He reasoned that as a Prefect he should more concerned with big breeches of rules, not childish mischief, even if they were no longer really children.

When the Prefects had met on the train, he had felt his heart beating at the sight of her, still in her Muggle skirt and top, which accentuated the fact that she was no longer a girl. Even then, as he tried to shrink into the background and just listen to the advice they were given by the Head Boy and Girl, he couldn't help noticing her.

Now he found he was so consumed by her, that he could barely concentrate when she was around, yet he could not bring himself to speak to her. It wasn’t rejection that he feared, it was her figuring out what he was and telling the others that he feared.

She looked up from her work, and he quickly focused back on his book, hoping she hadn’t noticed. He forced himself to work on his essay, to push her from his mind. He was so successful that he didn’t notice her get up from her seat and take the one across from him.

“So where are the mischief makers?” she asked.

Startled, he looked up from his work. “Quidditch practice. Getting ready for Saturday’s game.” 

“I’m surprised you aren’t out there watching them. Isn’t that what you usually do?” she asked.

She was of course right. “I wanted to work on the essay and try to get it done before dinner,” he replied. It was a partial truth. He knew that she would be working on her essay, and he had hoped to be able to steal a few glances at her while she worked.

“Are you sure that’s it?” She asked slyly as she let her foot slide under the table and touch his.

He felt a sudden flood of emotions at her touch that he could barely comprehend. “Maybe not completely it,” he admitted, entranced by her gaze and soft smile.

“I’ve noticed,” she said.

He swallowed hard. “Noticed what?” he asked innocently.

“You watching me,” she said softly. “You know what?” she asked as she leaned forward. “I’ve been watching you, too.”

He could feel his cheeks flush at the smile she gave him. “I didn’t…” He found he had no idea what to say. He had never expected her to notice him.

She reached across and gave his hand a reassuring touch. “I don’t mind. It’s okay to be shy.”

“It’s not that I’m shy, it’s just…” He had no idea how to continue. “Girls don’t generally pay much attention to me. They pay attention to James and Sirius.”

“James and Sirius. Oh, yes, those two are so full of themselves,” she said derisively. “Though I suppose you are kind of stuck with them, aren’t you?”

She had no idea how true those words were. 

“You’re better than them, you know. What they do, how they treat others…”

He let his head drop. “I know I should stop them. That as a Prefect I should do better, but… It’s hard.” He wished he could elaborate more, tell her the truth, but it was a secret he knew he could never share, one that had to be hidden at all costs.

She reached across the table and this time let her hand linger on his. “Standing up to your enemies is hard. Standing up to your friends is the hardest thing of all. I get it.”

He looked at her hand then into her eyes and he smiled at her. “Thank you.” There was a long awkward silence that she clearly wanted him to fill. “Would you like to go the Quidditch match together?” he finally asked.

“I’d love to,” she replied. “Meet you here before the match?”

“Sure,” he finally replied when he found his voice. He had no idea what had just come over him. He could not believe he had just asked a girl on a date, especially not Lily Evans, who he considered the most beautiful girl in their year.

* * *

Remus found he had a hard time sleeping on Friday. He just lay on his back, staring at the top of his bed. He longed to tell James and Sirius, but he wasn’t sure how they would react. He thought James might like Lily, and he knew that Sirius was interested in just about every girl, but not for a relationship. Sirius had always been the one to kiss and tell and very rarely did he go out with a girl more than twice, which Remus found quite short sighted as there were a limited number of girls at Hogwarts, but Sirius did not seem to be the settling type of person.

Naturally James and Sirius were up early, wanting to have a good breakfast before the match. Remus joined them and was thankful they were so hyped up about playing Slytherin, and planning their victory, that they didn’t notice he was hardly touching his breakfast. His stomach was doing flips. He had never flirted with a girl, much less asked one on a date and here he was, going out with Lily. 

After breakfast, he watched his friends head off towards the Quidditch pitch to get ready for the match, and he returned the common room. Peter had followed in James and Sirius’ wake, which suited Remus just fine. He wasn’t nearly as close to Peter as he was with the other two.

Since there was brisk note in the air, he returned to his dormitory to retrieve his cloak. He gave his appearance a look in the mirror. There wasn’t much to be done about it. His hair was going to do its own thing no matter what. A few others were in the common room, but not Lily. He grabbed a book off the shelf and pretended to read while he waited for her to arrive. Most of the others trickled out, and he began to wonder if she was going to stand him up.

About fifteen minutes before the match, she entered the portrait hole, just as others were streaming out. Remus rose to his feet. 

“I'm sorry. I lost track of time," she apologized. 

"Are you ready?” he asked, both relieved and nervous that she was there.

“Absolutely,” she replied.

He followed her out the portrait hole and down the stairs. They were some of the last people heading out to the stadium.

On the walk to the stadium, she said, "I meant what I said about you being better than James and Sirius. There are other people at Hogwarts you could be friends with."

He smiled weakly. "They aren't that bad once you get to know them. I think they just like to show off."

"But what they do to Severus and the others, and… I've seen you…"

Her words stung. "I'm not proud of that. I do know better. I've just always had a hard time making friends, and they've been there for me, so…"

She put her hand on his arm briefly. "I know you've had it rough, having to miss so much time because of your mum, but just because they are there for you doesn't mean others couldn't be there, too."

If only she knew. Of course, if she knew, she wouldn't be joining him for the Quidditch match, she would be working to get him expelled.

"You know, you could have spoken to me earlier," she said softly.

"I know. But I'm rubbish at talking to girls." It was partially the truth. He just generally avoided people period.

"I don't know. You seem to be doing pretty good so far."

"Oh, yes, talking about my friends' shortcomings. See? I am rubbish. I haven't even asked about you."

"Then you aren't rubbish because you know you should. I just hadn't given you the chance," she reassured, giving him a warm smile.

Now that he had the chance, he found he didn't have an idea what to talk about. It had never occurred to him what he should talk to a girl about. "It must have been hard for you coming to Hogwarts. My mum's a Muggle, so I lived a mostly Muggle life, but my dad made sure I knew about the Wizarding World when she wasn't around. You didn't know anything until you got your letter."

"It was a shock, though I had met Severus shortly before then, and he told me I was a witch. I didn't believe him, but that summer, someone from the Ministry came by, explained it all to my parents and then explained it to me. But yeah, it was hard."

"But you have adapted very well," Remus said. "Top in all your classes is quite impressive."

"I don't know. I think you may be better in Charms," she replied to compliment him.

"Well, you are definitely better in Potions. I'm glad I don't have to take that anymore."

"Potions is amazing. There is something calming about mixing a potion."

He laughed. "If you say so. I think the five cauldrons I managed to explode speak otherwise."

She laughed at him, too. "Good point. Probably best you aren't taking Potions anymore. They only get more dangerous in the NEWT classes."

By now they were at the stadium, and he knew that their chance to have a meaningful conversation was over. They climbed up to the Gryffindor box and managed to find a place to squeeze in together. There wasn't a lot of talking during the match, but during particularly thrilling moments she would reach over and grab his arm, and he could feel his pulse racing every time she touched him.

After almost two hours, Gryffindor finally beat Slytherin and their box exploded into loud cheers. The team took a victory lap of the stadium before landing.

As they were following everyone out of the stadium, Remus realized his perfect day was likely over. At least until Lily pulled him off to the side.

"Did you want to take a walk down by the lake?" she asked.

Who was she kidding? "Sure," he replied, hoping he didn't sound too eager.

As they moved away from the crowd, she looped her arm in his. "I think we were talking about Potions," she said as they headed around the back of the castle to the lack.

"I'd rather not talk about that. I spent far too much time in the Hospital Wing over that course," he opined.

"You should have asked for help," she replied, hinting that he could have asked her.

"Maybe. But you were always paired up with Fawn, and well, if talking to one girl is hard, talking to two is even harder."

"I would have helped you if you asked," she said gently.

"I'll have to remember that if I need help, but the courses I have now are ones I really enjoy."

"I’m glad to hear that."

There was an awkward silence, and he was trying to think of something to say, something to fill it that didn't involve his friends. "What's been your favorite part of Hogwarts?"

"Oh, that's hard. Not having known about magic, all of it has been so amazing. Though I am a bit nervous about what comes after graduation. I'm looking forward to the mentoring sessions next year where I can get a better idea about what sort of job opportunities there are out there. What about you?"

He suddenly realized this was a loaded question. "For me it's the friendships. I never really had that growing up because we moved around a lot."

"Oh," Lily said, as though she was finally understanding why he put up with Sirius and James. "And what about after we graduate?" she asked innocently.

By now they were down at the lake and he picked up a handful of pebbles and started throwing them at the lake. "I don't know. I haven't thought about it too much. My dad has given me a few ideas, but I don't know how much that's me. I guess I'll figure something out next year."

The spent the next couple of hours down by the lake, talking about hopes and dreams, though he knew there was little chance his dreams would become reality. He talked a little about his childhood in the vaguest ways he could, keeping up the ruse that his mother was incredibly ill. He felt bad about that, but he knew she could never know the truth. At one point he noticed her shivering and gave her his cloak, glad he had thought to bring it with him, and she had been greatly appreciative.

He looked up at the sky as he noticed the light fading and checked his watch. "We should be getting back. It's nearly time for dinner."

"So it is," she said as she turned to face him.

He could tell she was after something more. "I had a really good time. I'd like to do it again."

"Me, too. Hogsmeade weekend?" she asked optimistically.

He smiled wanly. "It might be hard to explain it to the others. Maybe the weekend after we can do this again?" he asked hopefully.

"I guess you are stuck with them, aren't you? Two weekends. I'll hold you to it. And if you get free from them, maybe you can find me?"

His heart fluttered at the smile she gave him. "I'll see what I can do."

"Please, do," she said, before handing him his cloak back and heading back up to the castle, leaving him to make his own way.

He could hardly believe he had spent almost the whole day with Lily Evans. And she wanted to do it again.

Remus made his way to the common room shortly before dinner.

"Hey, where have you been," Sirius said when he saw Remus coming through the portrait hole.

"I just wanted to take a walk and have some time to myself," he replied. He didn't need the ribbing Sirius and James would give him if they knew he was with Lily, especially since he knew she didn't really care for them.

"After that victory?" James asked. "It's always a great party after we beat Slytherin."

"I know. And you know I'm not big on parties," he replied.

"You need to learn to let your hair down," said Peter, who was once again basking in the glory James and Sirius had earned.

"Maybe next time," Remus said. Instead of staying in the common room, he headed up to the dormitory to try to sort out what had happened earlier in the afternoon.

* * *

Remus, James, Sirius and Peter were hanging out in Hogsmeade. James and Sirius were egging each other to get the other to go approach a couple of girls at one of the other tables. Remus found himself hoping they would both get on with it and find someone else to spend the afternoon with. Of course, he would then have to find a way to ditch Peter if he was going to meet with Lily, and he wasn't sure he could make that happen.

Finally, James had egged Sirius on enough that he went over to talk to the two girls. After a minute, Sirius waved James over, leaving Peter and Remus behind. Remus was used to this as neither he nor Peter were good with girls.

"What now?" Peter asked as he took a sip of his butterbeer.

Normally they would have gone to Honeyduke's or Zonko's, but Remus wasn't feeling it. "I think I'll head back," Remus said.

"Oh," Peter replied, clearly disappointed he wouldn't have anyone to hang out with.

"I'm still just a little tired. You know," Remus wasn't normally one to use the excuse of the waning full moon, but this time he was more than happy to take advantage of it.

"Sure, I get it. Want me to pick up anything for you? Chocolate Frogs?" Peter offered.

"No thanks. I'm good. Enjoy the rest of your afternoon," Remus said as he upended his glass, rose to his feet and headed out the door. Just in case Peter was watching, he headed back towards the castle, circling around town and cautiously looking for Lily while trying to avoid his friends.

After going down several alleys, he caught sight of her with two of the other girls from their year. He hoped to find a way to get her attention without the other girls noticing him. It took him several minutes, but she finally noticed him. He ducked back in to the alley and nervously waited to see if she could get away and join him.

It seemed to take far too long, and he was getting ready to give up and head back to the castle when he heard someone coming.

"Sorry that took so long. I had to convince them I was okay heading back to the castle by myself," she apologized as she smiled warmly at him.

"I told Peter the same thing. What now?" he asked, realizing he didn't have a plan.

"We could grab an ice cream and go for a walk?" she offered.

He smiled back at her. "I like that idea." Especially since the ice cream shop was at the edge of the village.

Once they each had their cones, they headed outside the village, walking away from the castle, but not far enough from the village to attract a lot of attention. After they had finished their ice cream, she slipped her hand in his. He gave it a squeeze, unable to believe he was holding her hand. They talked about everything and nothing, just basking in each other's presence.

Remus noticed the sun was starting to set. "I guess we ought to get back to the castle," he said sadly.

"I suppose so," she replied. "I had a great time today."

"Me, too. Meet you after lunch by Greenhouse 4 on Saturday?" he asked.

"I'll be there. Walk me back?" she asked.

He reasoned it was unlikely anyone would think anything of them walking together. "Sure."

When they were nearly back to the castle, he offered, "Why don't you go first?"

"Alright, though maybe next week we could sit together at meals?"

"I'd like that," he replied, though he wasn't sure. He longed to talk to the others about her, but he knew how they were. Once she was in the castle, he entered and decided to stop at the boy's lavatory before heading to the Great Hall.

* * *

Remus paced nervously as he waited by Greenhouse 4. He had been sneaking glances at Lily in class all week. He was lucky that they only had three classes together. But even when they weren't in class together, he kept thinking about her. He kept waffling between how wonderful she made him feel and how he was the wrong person for her. His problem was that they just got along so well. Surprisingly he found conversation quite easy with her. She was incredibly bright and loved arcane magic just as much as he did. But he had his deep, dark secret. And as much as he felt normal here at Hogwarts, he knew that would be coming to an end, that he had no idea what was waiting for him on the outside.

He heard her walking down the gravel path and could feel his pulse racing. He walked around the corner to meet her. "You look lovely," he said.

"Thanks. You're not half bad, either," she replied.

He knew she was being polite. "Thanks. Did you want to walk down by the lake?"

"That sound great." On the walk down towards the lake, they talked about their week. She slipped her hand in his, and he was surprised she didn't comment about his heart racing. When they reached the lake, they sat on the grass and watched the water. She leaned against him as they talked about Charms, and he wrapped his arm around her. It felt good to have her in his arms.

There was a slightly uncomfortable silence and Remus asked, "What is it you like about me?"

"So many things."

"Like what?" he asked, unable to believe her.

"You're kind, compassionate, handsome," she listed.

"I notice you put handsome last."

"Only because I think the other qualities are more important."

"I'm hardly handsome," he retorted.

"I think you are. And you have the most amazing eyes."

"My eyes are boring," he argued. He hated his eyes. They reminded him too much of a wolf's.

She turned and looked into his eyes. "Not at all. They are a beautiful warm brown, almost amber, but more importantly, it's what behind them." She leaned towards him, closing her eyes as she pursed her lips for a kiss.

Remus gently pressed his lips against hers. As he did so, she put her hand behind her head and deepened the kiss. The passion of her kiss ignited a fire in him, and he wrapped his arms around her. They were both panting when they broke the kiss. He looked into her eyes, trying to determine what she was thinking. Rather than saying anything, she pulled him close for a second kiss, climbing onto his lap.

Remus reluctantly pulled away from the kiss and gently pushed her off his lap. "I'm sorry, Lily. I can't," he protested. He never should have let it get this far. He never should have agreed to keep meeting her, but it had felt so good to have someone like him for him, to not be judged.

"What do you mean you can't? I thought you liked me?" she asked, clearly confused by his behavior.

"I do like you, a lot," he reassured. "And that's why I can't. It wouldn't be fair to you. You deserve someone better than me." He got to his feet.

"I think that's a high bar to set," she replied, also rising.

"Not as high as you think," he said morosely.

She put her hand on his arm. "If it's about you letting James and Sirius slide…"

He shook his head. "No, it's not about that. It's about… other things," he replied evasively.

"If it's about your mother…"

"I wish it was about her, but it's complicated. I'm complicated, and I just need you to trust me." He let his hand rest momentarily on her cheek. "I love you and I want what's best for you and that isn't me. Just believe me. I never should have let it get this far," he said quietly as he backed away from her a few steps before turning and walking away. 

"Remus, please," she called out as he walked away.

He turned to face her. He knew he should have kept walking, ignored her, but it was so hard.

"After that kiss, how you reacted, you are just going to walk away?" she asked, her voice full of hurt and confusion.

"Because of that kiss, I have to. Lily I need you to trust me, to believe me, you need to find someone better than me. There is so much about me you don't know, that very few know, that I can't tell you. If you knew, you would know I'm right. I'm doing this to protect you. I'm sorry, Lilly. I really am. I never should have kept meeting you." He turned away, resolved to not look back this time. He had been so stupid pursuing her. He had known it could never work. Someone like him didn't deserve to be happy, didn't deserve a normal life. It would only cause pain. He could not give her what she deserved, and he knew this was the best thing for him to do. If they stayed together, she would figure out his secret and then she would feel betrayed and be more hurt than she was now.


End file.
